by L.T. Milroy
Welcome to the new season of Rizzoli & Isles! Well, fans, your complaints were heard and the ridiculous Jane-is-pregnant storyline has been scuttled! We won’t have to watch the heretofore totally not-maternal Detective Rizzoli dealing with morning sickness and weight gain and general crankiness. Okay, maybe that third thing, because she’s always been like that. But the important part is, TPTB at the show finally realized how lazy and insulting to the audience it is to bring a pregnancy storyline into a show about two middle-aged best friends who are focused on their careers. The emphasis should stay on the friendship and the careers, where it’s always been. So glad they realized that!
Only kidding, unfortunately. Season 5 premiered this week, and a preggo Jane is totally still in the picture. I can’t imagine Jane becoming a mom, as it would change pretty much everything about this show, including having me as a viewer. But I guess we’ll have to wait and see. As of now, this is where we stand, with a pregnant Jane and an absent Detective Frost. Yes, we’re kicking things off with some baggage, to be sure…
A woman is jogging with a light on her head. Is she prospecting? Coal mining? No, it’s just the victim du jour.
Jane is moving through a warehouse with gun drawn. She’s in heels but not ridiculous onesclike Maura would wear. The whole thing has a dream-sequency feel to it, aaaand…it’s a dream sequence. Jane opens a door and finds herself in a nursery. Happily holding a baby. Gah, my eyes. I guess I better get used to it. I may need a permanent Visine drip to get through this season.
Back in reality, Jane’s alarm goes off. It’s 6 a.m. Shouldn’t she be sleeping in, because, you know, she’s middle-aged, she could use the extra rest? And she’s pregnant. It’s a medical miracle!
But I digress. I think I’ll be doing a lot of that this season. Maura stops by with coffee, which of course, Jane can no longer drink. Maura analyzes Jane’s dream, as if it was obscure or something. Jane asks what it means. I think the answer to that is, “Duh? Jane’s next question: is water wet?
Maura goes on and on about hormones. Wow, I really hate this. She seems really thrilled about Jane’s delicate condition. Any processing on the matter apparently took place between seasons. She asks when Jane is going to tell her mother. Jane says “Not today,” and with that, Ma Rizzoli arrives and tells Jane she looks different, which makes Jane and Maura act totally weird and start bickering. It’s like old times, and this would totally be fun, except for, you know…
At the crime scene, Korsak is in a suit, which Jane assumes means he has a girlfriend. Hasn’t Korsak always worn a suit? The whole dressing-to-impress-a-woman thing gets Maura talking about hormones again. Yeah, pregnancy, hormones, we get it. I have a feeling this particular sledgehammer is going to be dropping a lot in the next few episodes.
Jane finds a carriage and determines the victim had a baby with her. But wait. We saw the victim jogging in the opening scene, and there was no evidence of her pushing a carriage. But, of course, we have to throw babies into the mix at all times this season, apparently, even when it makes no sense. The search is on for the missing baby, no doubt stirring maternal feelings in Jane. Look out for flying sledgehammers. And anvils.
Back at the station, Maura does an autopsy on the victim, whose name we learn is Susan Murphy, and the missing kid is Brian. A cop stops by looking for Detective Frost, but he’s still on vacation and will be back tomorrow. *sniff* Then Ma Rizzoli stops by with some food for Jane. It’s some disgusting fish dish. The sound of it makes Jane nauseated. It’s making me nauseated, and the closest I ever get to a baby is when I mistakenly happen across the Disney Channel.
Jane and Korsak track down the victim’s ex, Raymond, and go to his house, where he’s with his girlfriend. Raymond seems shocked by his Susan’s death and distraught over his missing son, while Caitlin, the GF, seems much too perky.
Jane walks in on the autopsy and promptly barfs. Seriously, are we going to have to watch all this pregnancy-related BS all season? ‘Cause that’s not what I signed up for with this show. Maura gets all medical again, talking hormones again, then asks if this case is particularly hard on Jane, because it involves a baby, and Jane says it is, yada yada yada.
Frankie shows up, and he and Maura act all shy and cute together. It’s because of that kiss last season, and even though Jane doesn’t know about that, she knows something’s up. The idea of Mankie is creepy to me. I know they’re not related, but they’re about as brother and sister as they can be, sans the blood ties, and it would all be just too incestuous to be enjoyable. Besides, they have zero in common. It just doesn’t make any sense. No Mankie!!
Frankie does some police work and puts together a pedophile map, from which Baxter Park is singled out. Then they find that a paroled child molester lives right across the street. This is all determined in aboutten seconds. When the show only runs forty-two minutes, brevity is often essential.
Jane and Korsak go to the pedo’s apartment and break down the door when they hear a baby crying. It’s coming from the TV. Seems the pedo has a business where parents hire him to make DVDs of their kids, which explains all the DVDs of kids lying around his apartment. What a nice line of work for a paroled pedo! Can we get paroled murderers jobs killing people? It would seriously cut into the official recidivism rate.
The pedo claims Susan hired him to make a DVD of Brian. She put a lot of leg work into finding a trustworthy photographer for that kid, obviously. Did she go to the pedo yellow pages? This guy is rather snarky and has a smart mouth. You know Jane’s going to make him pay for that, even if he’s not guilty of this particular crime.
Back at autopsy, Maura and Frankie agree they’re like family and thus, shouldn’t be dating. Great! At least we won’t have to endure Mankie. Maura has managed to complete the autopsy, despite tending to her and Jane’s personal matters, and she’s concluded the killer was a woman.
The pedo is shown a picture of Susan but says that wasn’t who hired him. Then he identifies Caitlin, the ex’s GF, as Brian’s mom and says she hired him. Surprise! Not. But she seems to have an airtight alibi, so it’s time for some serious police work. And, as expected, Jane lowers the boom on the pedo, nailing him on a parole violation. That’ll teach you to get all smug around Det. Rizzoli, fella!
Susan’s sister arrives and says Susan had filed for full custody of Brian, which ticked off her ex. Said ex and Caitlin are then observed having a very heated discussion in a conference room. Smooth, guys.
As a result of more quick police work, Caitlin’s alibi is cracked and casts guilt on both her and the ex. All that’s left is to find the baybee. It’s also around this point that Maura makes some kind of weird statement that she envies strippers because their job requires five-inch heels. I think it would spice this show up considerably if Maura would show up to do her job in five-inch heels. And fishnets. Just sayin’.
Korsak yells at Caitlin, but she doesn’t give a damn about baybay Brian and lawyers up.
At this point, the show gets really weird. Ma Rizzoli visits Maura and goes completely odd. She takes Maura’s hands and says she knows Jane has a secret, and Maura’s sweaty palms confirm it. Ma Rizzoli saw Jane turn down coffee earlier, and she’s glowing, which, of course automatically = pregnant. And Ma’s thrilled. That Jane is not only unmarried but hasn’t even mentioned a serious BF, doesn’t appear to be a complication for her. I would imagine it would be for most mothers, but Ma Riz ain’t most mothers, yo! The details don’t concern her. Ahe just wants a grandchild. Great message, show. And way to make Ma Rizzoli look like a thoughtless, selfish, jerk. I assume we’ll be revisiting this ad-nauseum, but right now, her behavior is rather inexplicable. If she cares at all about her daughter’s welfare, she’ll keep it a secret.
Cut to Jane pumping the ex for info on where Brian might be. She’s all caring and maternal, which breaks him down. Bebe is found in possession of a homeless woman and is put in the custody of the vic’s sister. Jane smiles maternally, and maternally asks if she can give one last maternal hug to Brian. Is there some sort of message here?
We are all jerked back to reality by the episode’s end. Frost has been in a car accident coming home from his mom’s. Everyone goes to the scene, where Maura has just pronounced him dead. Next week is a tribute to Frost, as the characters deal with his untimely passing. Frost was a great character and will be missed. Wherever Lee Thompson Young is, I hope he’s at peace.