Reconvo: The Mysteries of Laura S1 Ep. 13 The Mystery of the Deemed Dealer

by

L.T. Milroy and Veruca Salt

Oh, my, Laura Diamond’s private life just keeps getting more and more complicated. She has two gentlemen wanting to date her and an extremely annoying ex, whom I would have strangled by this point. She hasn’t done so as yet. I admire her restraint.

So the drama of Laura’s private life continues. Only it’s not always all that private. And, oh yeah, she’s a cop! And there’s a case!

LT: A young man is crossing the street, when he’s run down. There were no tire tracks, so it was a deliberate hit-and-run.

01 hit and run

In the coffee room, the detectives discuss the case. Billy says all the kid had on him was a set of keys and some “kind bud.” This is the first of many references to weed in this episode, most of which I’ve never heard before. I thought I was pretty well caught up on the lingo, but apparently not. Kind bud? Meh, whatever. Laura doesn’t know what that means, and Jake says the kids have always called it that. Not any kids I hung with. Besides the reefer (a term with which I am familiar), the kid was carrying $1500 in hundreds. They think maybe he was selling.

V: You’re telling me a cop doesn’t know all of the ways pot is referred to? And weren’t she and Jake part of that biker gang or whatever? Laura wasn’t always a middle-aged mom, which is what they’re trying to make us believe here. Hey, show: I remember past episodes.

LT: Jake brings up Laura’s date with Food Truck Tony.

She wants to know how he knew about it, and he says from her dad. Jake’s snark session regarding Laura’s personal business is interrupted by Max, who has identified the victim as Miguel Santos. The kid had a rough childhood. He lost his mom and was living with his father. Max also finds out that Miguel hadn’t been in school since last May.

V: Laura’s dad was bought off with a gift certificate to Bagel World.

LT: How stereotypically Jewish. Wave a nosh under the schlemiel’s noggin, and he goes all verklempt!

V: You said it, sister! But I wouldn’t even think he need to be bribed to get Jake the lowdown, since daddy has been siding with the MULTIPLE-cheating ex rather than his own daughter, since their separation. Also, FYI, no self-respecting bagel place would be called “Bagel World.”

And doesn’t the school usually stay on top of things like that? Like check with the parents? In this day and age, the kid doesn’t show up, a call home is made at the very least. Jake brings up how the parent should have gone ballistic, but I would think the dad would be in big trouble, right?

LT: Billy talks with Miguel’s father, who’s been a single dad since his wife died when Miguel was three.

01 dad

Billy mentions that Miguel hadn’t been in school, and dad says that’s impossible, then admits he sometimes misses things because he works two jobs and isn’t aware of everything Miguel is up to. He seems to be sincere, and Billy sympathizes by saying he knows how things can fall through the cracks in a single-parent home. But there’s no way Miguel is selling drugs, the father insists. He’s a good kid.

V: AH! Okay, the school wrote to him, and dad just signed the paper without looking. Though for just this reason, I believe the school would insist on talking to the parent directly. It can’t be the first time something like this has happened. I’m sure some kids forge a parent’s signature, as well.

I also can’t believe dad would just sign a school document his seventeen-year-old son gave him, without looking at it. Yeah, working two jobs, blah blah blah. But it makes the dad look like he’d totally checked out of his son’s life, which the show tries hard to show is not the case. I would have found it more believable if the kid had forged dad’s signature.  This way the kid also wouldn’t have to take the chance dad would actually read it.

Anyway, dad says the keys Miguel was found with weren’t his. Billy does bond with dad by saying he was raised in a single-parent home, but even though mom was all “Eat your vegetables,” she worked nowhere near home, and Billy got into a bunch of trouble. Billy asks dad if it’s possible that’s what happened, and dad’s crying seems to say he agrees it could have.

It was also weird they started the conversation in English, switched to Spanish, then suddenly switched back to English. If they’d just had those first two lines in Spanish about the kid being etched in his heart and Billy saying he understood, it wouldn’t have been as awkward.

LT: Meredith tells Laura that Miguel’s body was found in Trinitario gang territory, so maybe it was somehow gang-related.

03 det bf

V: Whenever in a procedural it’s discovered early on that something took place in “gang territory,” I am always positive it has nothing to do with gangs. Almost every area now is a gang territory.

LT: Laura asks if the gang is into “kind bud,” when in walks Alejandro, who says they are, but in Vice they call it cannabis. Hey, Alejandro, long time no see!

V: ALEJANDRO! How YOU dooin’?

04 alejandro

LT: They smile at each other. Det. Bitchface is aware she’s a third wheel, and excuses herself. Alejandro asks Laura if she and Jake are still broken up, and she says they are. Then he asks her out, but she says she’s seeing someone and asks what took him so long. He basically spells out the particularly aggressive instance of c**kblocking Jake pulled on him. Laura is understandably pissed.

V: I am SO GLAD she found out. GEEZ.

LT: Det. BF comes back and asks Alejandro where to find the Trinitarios, and he says they’re headquartered at a laundromat in Spanish Harlem. BF says she’ll pay a visit, and when Laura hears that, she opens a desk drawer and hands her a pile of dirty clothes. Sometimes she spills, she says. So she throws a stained shirt in a desk drawer and forgets about it? Yuck. Gross, Laura. Also kinda gross was how she handed over the laundry in a big pile. If I were Ms. BF, I’d have at least insisted she put that nasty crap in a bag.

05 det. bf

V: I was thinking the same thing! I’m surprised Det. BF agreed. If it were me, those shirts would have been in Laura’s face. And yeah, uh, way to let a stain sink in, particularly if it’s coffee. Wasn’t there an evidence bag somewhere to put that clearly contaminated stuff into?

LT: Alejandro then takes his leave after wishing Laura good luck with the case and bad luck with her new boyfriend.

 06 alejandro2

V: Awww…I’m torn. Both guys are incredibly hot and charming, and I’d date either one without even thinking a second about it. That Laura is one lucky lady. No wonder she’s staying away from Jake. He looks like vanilla pudding next to these two amazing dudes.

LT: Are we going to do food analogies? Food Truck Tony and Alejandro are like dining at the Four Seasons, while Jake is…well, like eating out of the Dumpster behind McDonalds.

Then we get to see more Billy and BF kicking ass, which this show likes to do pretty often and is always fun to watch. BF asks the desk guy at the laundry a number of questions. He doesn’t answer. Then three young punks approach, one of whom tells her to leave before he displays a gun in his waistband.

Then we get to see more Billy and BF kicking ass, which this show likes to do pretty often and is always fun to watch. BF asks the desk guy at the laundry a number of questions. He doesn’t answer.

07 laundromat

Then three young punks approach, one of whom tells her to leave before he displays a gun in his waistband.

She pulls out her badge, and the punks scatter. Billy is waiting outside and gets into a scrape with one of them. Don’t mess with Billy, he can hold his own in a fight. This punk is persistent, though, and Billy gives chase. It ends when BF slams into him.

08 body slam

V: That guy must be a good fighter if he was able to get the best of Billy. Also, they were dressed so similarly, I had trouble defining who was who.

LT: Meredith questions the gang guy, Carlos.

09 carlos

He says he doesn’t know anything about the murder, but he did know Miguel and says he was a great kid who wasn’t a gang member and didn’t do drugs. BF shows him Miguel’s bag o’ weed, which he sniffs and says didn’t come from his gang, because the quality is too high. It’s righteous smoke, yo. He mentions that a friend told him he runs into Miguel sometimes hanging out at City Center Ice Rink.

V: You forgot the most important part. Another slang word for the pot. Bammy! I guess Meredith knows all of them.

LT: Laura and Billy are at the ice rink, with Laura trying Miguel’s keys in all of the lockers. Meanwhile, she throws out another weed name, which is laughing grass, and Billy says she looked it up to impress Alejandro. Laura admits that she did.

One of the lockers opens and inside they find no drugs, just school books and a t-shirt from Wendsworth Academy, a snobby prep school.

10  books and t-shirt

V: No WAY he could have been going to a new school without the old school knowing about it. They would have had to send the transcripts. And if Billy was able to get hold of the “Your kid hasn’t been to school” letters, surely they would have found the Wendsworth Academy letters. I cannot believe nobody knew anything for an entire year. You’d have to really go out of your way to be that ignorant.

And apparently two HOMICIDE cops showing up at Wendsworth with a picture of Miguel doesn’t faze the guy with the crazy hair and glasses at all.

11 crazy glasses

Like murder cops showing up to find out if a kid goes to their school happens every day. No, “Hey what happened to him?” Just talk of Miguel’s bright future, how the Ivies were all over him, and he was going to lead them to the state championship due to his awesome stick skillz? Dude, you’re going to a snobby academy with smart people. I dunno…

LT: Billy talks with Miguel’s dad, who tells him he had been approached by the Wendsworth hockey coach but said no, even though it was a full-ride scholarship. When asked why he’d turn it down, the dad says these schools are ruthless with scholarship athletes, often playing them until they get injured and ruin their futures.

V: So, he’d sacrifice his kid getting a stellar education? This totally isn’t adding up for me. He could have sat Miguel down and explained this is what happens. Miguel was old enough to make that decision for himself. Dad was ruining Miguel’s entire future. Did he want his son to have the same hard life he did?

He tells the story of a kid who was a hockey player and tore his ACL, so his scholarship was revoked. Well, fine. Then Miguel goes back to the school he was at before. But if he doesn’t go to a school where people will notice him, he wouldn’t have a career anyway.

At least dad is mortified by his own ignorance.

LT: Laura has brought brownies made by Food Truck Tony to the office, which everyone appreciates (as would I). Max is particularly taken and calls them, “God in brownie form.”

12 brownie

Laura says if they were really that divine, they’d be fat free.

V: No, they’d be calorie-free. Fat doesn’t make you fat, Laura. That’s a myth. But then again, Laura eats two-day-old burritos, why does she care if something is fat-free? Tony has made her all kinds of meals and fattening desserts. She didn’t seem to mind then. Nor when she tried to scarf down a humongous piece of cheesecake in the first episode.

LT: I was wondering about that, too. IIRC, this is the first time she’s ever expressed a concern over anything being fattening. I think it was purely a set-up for the episode’s final scene.

V: Agreed! I just love it when they sacrifice character for plot. It’s my favorite thing.

Also, did you notice how Laura shut down Jake from trying a brownie? DENIED! But she told him to stop spying on her after he made it clear he wasn’t. She could have gotten Jake with a dozen offenses, but that wasn’t one of them.

LT: Billy fills them in on how things are at the snooty Wendsworth. Jake says these schools can be pretty rough, and Max agrees then relates a totally gay tale about a girl who once sabotaged his choral audition. Everyone must have been so shocked when Max came out…on the first day of kindergarten.

Max says the students are trained to compete for everything at these schools, and Laura wonders if that includes pot customers. Billy theorizes that maybe if Miguel was selling at his new school, whoever the supplier was before him might want to eliminate the competition. Since Carlos said Miguel didn’t deal, Jake suggests talking to the principal, but Laura thinks the fancy prep school folk will clam up around cops. She suggests starting with the parents, but after a bit of bickering, Jake overrules her.

V: She thinks the parents of these snooty kids will be less protective? They’re the ones who hire expensive lawyers when their little darling murders someone. It makes no sense that she says the students will lawyer up if they’re approached. Uh, Laura, who do you think will pay for that lawyer?

My goodness, the experience with the karate class should have taught her that lesson. Also, that they have no idea what their little darling is up to. Another option is parents of students who were kicked out and are bitter. I’m not a cop, but that seems like a good avenue to take.

But anyway, it’s obvious Jake overruled her for personal reasons, thus proving he hasn’t grown past his immaturity even a little bit. He even throws around his title for good measure. Billy breaks the standoff by offering to do the interviews.

LT: Yes, Jake totally puts his lack of emotional growth on full display here. It isn’t pretty, and it’s unprofessional in this instance, since it affects the case.

Billy meets with the Wendsworth principal, who speaks very highly of Miguel. Billy wants to see his school records, but she cries confidentiality then gets all impatient and pissy.

13 pissy principal

Then she abruptly says she has to address a prospective-parent tour group, tells him to show himself out, and leaves. Yikes. Of course, Laura was right all along, and Billy calls Laura to say it’s time to go to Plan B.

The snotty and impolite principal addresses a group of parents, of which Laura is a member.

V: Looks like Laura was waiting in the wings as if she knew Plan A would fail.

LT: The principal invites everyone to that night’s gala. Then she introduces their tour guide, Tracy, who’s peppy and preppy and perky, and totally slappable.

14 slappable tracy

V: She had a snooty rating of eleven. Though I totally don’t buy that she’d say “delish” and act all airheaded around her boyfriend in front of the prospective parents. She’d be trained to look overly professional and say a bunch of smart-sounding stuff. If I were the parent of a prospective student, I would be afraid my kid would be dumbed-down. That administrator is no-nonsense. She wouldn’t put up with it.

LT: During a lunchroom break in the tour, Laura takes Tracy aside and tells her she just has to get her kids in that school. She hints that the little brats may have gotten in trouble with drugs and furtively asks if there’s anyone she should tell them to stay away from. Tracy points out a slacker named Phillip.

V: Phillip, you might try to look a little less like a stoner during school hours. If Laura had just been even a little observant, she would have been able to pick this dude out by herself, he’s that obvious.

15 phillip

LT: He might as well be wearing an I Heart Bong Hits t-shirt. Laura sidles up to Phillip at his locker and asks about where to get some wacky weed, or whatever she’s calling it now.

V: That would be MARLEY.

LT: He plays dumb.

V: I don’t think he has to pretend very hard.

LT: She channels her inner cougar and says she’d really like to smoke with him.

16 cougar laura

He buys the act and opens his locker before he hands her what looks to me to be a really tiny package. Seriously, what is that, like a 392nd of an ounce? Miniscule amount notwithstanding, she busts him and asks about Miguel.

V: A lady his mom’s age comes and asks him about drugs out of the blue, and he’s not the least bit suspicious? Just “Are you a narc?” and when she turns up her Graduate routine, he totally buys it? This school is churning out Ivy Leaguers? Plus, this seventeen-year-old knows The Graduate? Ooookay.

Then she uses the term “dime bag” thus proving she totally hit the wacky tobacky back in the day.

LT: She whips her badge on him, and he talks. He says Miguel didn’t do drugs, but he did get in trouble for harassing a girl with naughty “junk” texts and was on probation for a week. Phil says they drug test the athletes, or he’d be making even more money and that maybe Miguel was drunk, since all of the athletes drink instead.

V: So finding alcohol in their tests is okay?

LT: At Wendsworth, apparently. After getting the info she wanted, Laura decides not to arrest him but takes his stash. Food Truck Tony will be able to make some fabulous brownies now!

V: Except for how she promised to flush the CAHOOBIE down the precinct toilet!

LT: She’s seriously pulling these names out of her butt. As she’s leaving, Laura calls Jake and tells him that while Miguel apparently didn’t do drugs, they should check out the alcohol angle. They wonder what their next move should be, as Laura passes a poster for that night’s Starry Starry Night gala. She tells Jake to dust off his tux. We gonna party with the rich bitches!

17 starry starry night

That night, Jake’s in his tux and Laura’s in a slinky black number, all dressed up for the dance.

18 dressed up

V: If they want me to believe Laura is shlubby, they need to stop having her dress like she’s going to the Oscars. Did you see her hair and makeup this episode? Ain’t no real lady cop has time to do herself up like that every day. And her talk of tweezing everywhere also made no sense. Unless she was planning on getting lucky with Jake, which GOD NO, PLEASE!

LT: Laura thinks that posing as prospective-student parents will get everyone to open up. The open bar won’t hurt, either.

V: Okay, wait. She had a conversation with Jake, told him to arrive in his tux, but never told him why? It’s like in shows where people have taken an entire car ride together but don’t discuss why they’re going to a specific location until they get to that location.

Though kudos to Laura for calling his wedding ring a “prop” and how he can use it for his next wedding.

LT: Laura thinks that posing as prospective-student parents will get everyone to open up. The open bar won’t hurt, either.

Then the babysitter arrives, which is her dad.

19 dad

Nice to see you again, Robert Klein, even though I’m not liking your character so much this episode. He gushes about what a great-looking couple they are. Shut up and butt out, Dad. Laura already warned him about that. Then he presses the issue by insisting on a family dinner that weekend. Why he keeps pushing Laura and Jake together when he knows they’re divorced, I don’t know, but it’s incredibly annoying.

He says he wants the dinner, or he won’t babysit. Laura says no, so he leaves. Laura, of course, relents. He comes back and gets his dinner invitation. Since Laura has filled him in on what a hound dog Jake was during their marriage, I have no idea why he, or any dad, would want such a man for his daughter. Makes no sense to me.

V: Not a damn bit of sense for him to be on the c-blocker’s side. The guy who cheated on his daughter multiple times and broke her heart in a million pieces and is looking happier than ever without Jake and is being asked out by men who are ten times the man Jake will ever be. It makes dad an unlikable character.

LT: At the gala, Jake immediately gets grabby with Laura but says he’s just “playing the part.” Ugh. Brace yourselves, there’s much worse behavior to come from ol’ Jakey. Laura introduces them to the hoi polloi as Vanessa and Brooks Finley. Hee!

V: I guess it’s a couple who Laura found out about at the Prospective Parents tour. Then she misreads the “I’m sorry about what happened to Josh” (Vanessa and Brooks’s son) from the girl handing out the badges as something tragic, rather than being denied early admission.

20  badge girl

Wow. Word spreads fast. She seems like a student. I guess this fancy school doesn’t keep their business locked up too tight.

LT: I certainly wouldn’t trust them with any of my secrets.

They split up to troll the guests. Jake heads for the hockey coach, while Laura joins the “Neiman Marcus huddle.”

Jake asks if Miguel was badly missed by the team, and coach says he was back in a week. He doesn’t know the details of what happened, he’s just glad his star goaltender returned, because they’d still had a shot at the championship.

21 coah

Meanwhile, Laura drinks and fills her face while listening to the snooty babes and their snooty conversation. She acts slightly tipsy.

22 drunk laura

V: She practically falls over as she walks to the table with an ice bucket of booze, takes a shot, then asks about diversity, since she doesn’t want her sons sheltered.

Fortunately the SEINFELDS may be transferring in, so they have that diversity thing all wrapped up! This leads Laura to talk about how these kids “assimilate,” in regard to problems with a “troubled” scholarship athlete.

LT: The moms instantly recognize it as the Miguel saga and say his death was not a surprise, nor was the sexual assault charge, considering the neighborhood he came from.

V: Diversity rules! These are some tolerant rich, white people.

 23 rich bitches

LT: A mom says the sexual assault charge went to the disciplinary council. Then she says “DILF alert” as Jake approaches. Barf.

V: I’ll join you at the trash can.

LT: Laura and Jake excuse themselves to trade info. Jake says the assault charge was rejected, probably to get the goalie back to the team quicker. Maybe there was a cover-up, and the victim wanted justice. Laura thinks they could find some answers in the principal’s office.

V: Laura sounds actually drunk here, since she did down a couple of shots for real. And we also discover she learns all important laws regarding evidence on Law and Order. Yeah, that show always goes for accuracy.

LT: In the office, they find a file labeled Davis, A v. Santos, M. Laura recognizes Davis A. as Ally Davis, the nerdy girl who ran the greeting table at that afternoon’s orientation. Maybe she took matters into her own hands when Miguel was let off.

And since anyone who snoops around in an office after hours on these shows always has to contend with security, they hear a door open and hide in the closet. When the guard opens the door, Laura and Jake pretend to be making out. Or are they pretending?? It’s so scandalous!

24 scandalous

V: Yeah. I’m sure there will be no backlash on poor Laura over this.

LT: The men in Laura’s life are exceptionally annoying this week, and the worst is yet to come. When she gets home, her dad says he wants details, and she starts to tell him about the case, but he means Jake details. UGH. Dad is stepping way over the line here by asking her if anything happened between them. None of your effin’ biz, pop.

25 pop butting in

V: How about the heartwarming story about how he took advantage of her mother after he got her drunk on Peach Schnapps?

LT: She tells him to move on, but before he leaves, he expresses the opinion that it’s not over with her and Jake. Who asked ya, buddy? Ugh, again.

He’s barely gone when Laura hears a crash from the back of the house and draws her gun. It’s Jake, who got in with his spare key. So he made a big deal out of giving Laura her house key back, when he had a spare? What an unbelievable tool.

26 jake the tool

V: OMG. Our one moment of liking Jake, and it was all an act? This is proof that he hasn’t learned to have an ounce of integrity. Is this the way he’s winning her back? By lying to her? Again, he thinks a kiss is going to bring them back together? Has he not understood the part about regaining her trust?

LT: She demands the key back, but he just grabs and kisses her.

27 kiss

She pulls away, but he protests that she was fine with making out in the principal’s closet. She points out that it was work. Then he gets all self-pitying and moans that this has been the worst year of his life, because all he thinks about is them getting back together.

Laura, of course, disagrees and basically says she has two really hot guys chasing her, both of whom seem nice and not hound-doggy at all, and one of whom can cook like a wizard, which is always a sure way to a gal’s heart, and she doesn’t want to get back together. She doesn’t say exactly that, but that’s the gist of it. She wants to move on, and he keeps putting up obstacles. She tells him, emphatically, that they’re a bad idea and he needs to go home.

28 pissed off laura

Jake looks totally stunned.

29 stunned jake

All I can say is, YAAAAY LAURA!!! I can’t believe she said that, but so glad she did.

V: I am SO doing my happy dance right now. YES! Why doesn’t she hit her dad with the quality men who are hitting on her? The relationship she’s having with a man who totally respects her? Laura, c’mon. Look how good you do with Jake. You need to do that with dad. SHUT HIM DOWN!

I like how she says that of course he’s still in love with her, since she’s still lovable, and how he’s sexy and smells good, but she can resist, because she knows how bad he is for her. It brings me so much closer to the character.

LT: Laura pulled no punches and laid it out so that even a slow-moving train could understand, but Jake isn’t quite as perceptive as a slow-moving train. The next morning when Laura gets up, she’s shocked to find Jake sleeping on the couch.

30 stunned laura

V: Since when has Jake ever really listened to Laura?

LT: She tells him to leave before the kids see him then discovers it’s after nine a.m. They’re both late for work.

V: You’re telling me Laura woke up, brushed her hair, put it into that nice pony tail, put on her makeup (ain’t no way that’s last night’s makeup. I know what that looks like) all without looking at the clock? Who doesn’t open their eyes and immediately look at the clock? Does she have an alarm to wake her up? This makes no sense to me.

LT: As Jake walks outside, Billy is coming up the front path.

billy arrives

Laura is an hour late for work and didn’t answer her phone, so he’s come to check up. Jake must know how this looks, and one presumes he’ll set Billy straight and tell him exactly what happened. But he does the total opposite. He leaves Billy with the impression that he and Laura were sexing it up all night and asks Billy not to tell anybody. You suck, Jake. Really. This is beyond the pale, even for you.

V: JAKE SUCKS DONKEY BALLS.

LT: At the station, Max notices that both Laura and Jake are late and slips into total busybody mode, as he tries to get info out of Billy. Then Laura walks in, spouting a million excuses and looking really uncomfortable and guilty. Max strolls by her desk and gives her a long look. Billy tries to lift the tension by talking about the case. He says Det. BF is questioning nerd girl, Ally.

V: So, Laura the detective doesn’t notice how weird Billy is acting but Max did? Ugh, fine. Whatever.

LT: At the school, Ally is evasive about the details of the Miguel incident, but BF tries to get her to open up by telling her she wasn’t exactly prom queen in high school, either, and knows how that can be.

V: Ally does give her a look like “REALLY?” But BF mentions manga and DnD, which is consistent with the character. Plus, she is no cheerleader rah-rah type, so we both let that go.

 32 really

LT: This isn’t the first time BF has referenced being an outsider growing up. Are they setting something up for her character? I doubt this show will care to get that psychological, but it’s strange that someone as attractive as BF (especially in those moments when she’s not making a bitchy face) would talk so much about being the weird kid growing up.

Ally says she got a bunch of dirty texts from Miguel, featuring his weenie (I know at least as many names for that as Laura knows for weed). But it turned out Miguel could produce physical evidence that the photos weren’t him.

Ally thinks it was someone messing with her before midterms. She explains that she’s smart, and the school grades on a curve, which smarty-pantses like her are always throwing off. This was probably just a bid to get her rattled. She says at Wendsworth, it’s all about getting into a horribly expensive college.

V: Still, Ally is a cute nerd girl. Guys should be falling all over her at a school like this. She’s like the MaryAnn of the school. The hot, smart one.

LT: At the station, Jake wonders why Miguel was picked to take the fall for the texts. Billy says the pressure at the school runs beyond academics and even references Max’s “boring story.” Jake remembers that the hockey coach mentioned a championship. Billy thinks maybe it was a rival teammate. If the charges had stuck, some second-string player would have a chance to start. Jake suggests they check out the alternate goalie.

The detectives find out from the coach that Spencer is the new starting goalie. Laura flashes back to Tracy blowing a kiss to him and saying he was her boyfriend.

Billy questions Spencer, and he’s sullen and mumbly.

33 spencer

Billy tells him he checked his debit card purchases and found he bought a disposable phone, the number of which matched the one Miguel supposedly used to send the package pics. Spencer then cops to sending the photos.

V: He says that even though he’d gotten into four schools, he was waitlisted at Princeton, so he just needed more ice time to prove himself, but he didn’t hurt Miguel.

LT: He says when the charges were dropped, he just forgot about the whole thing. Then he offers up an alibi. Laura and Jake are watching through the glass, and Jake says the kid looks confident.

V: Laura brings up what Spencer said about Princeton and knows someone else who got in and that some people will do whatever it takes to stay together. Yes, Jake, she’s looking pointedly at you as she says this.

LT: Laura goes back to Wendsworth to grill the perky Tracy.

34 perky tracy

She asks if Laura wants another tour, and Laura says no, the first one was obnoxious enough. Tracy, who is humor-challenged, doesn’t pick up on the sarcasm.

V: They aren’t making these kids witty and smart enough. What should be happening is what happens on Law and Order, the typical move is for these rich kids to lawyer up. Even Laura said that at the beginning.

Spencer would not have been in that interrogation room alone with Billy. His parents would have had a lawyer in there so fast, telling him not to talk. Same with Tracy. This snooty kid wouldn’t be talking to a cop. It should be beneath her. This is a daddy’s girl. The second Laura showed up, she’d be on the phone with him.

LT: Laura tells her she’s working on the Miguel case. She says she thought Spencer looked good for the crime, but he has an alibi. Tracy wants to know why Laura thinks a Wendsworth student did it. Since the dead kid was Paco the Potslammer, shouldn’t Laura be trolling the barrio for his killer? Wow, I really hate her. It’s time for her to go down, and not in a good way.

Laura says Tracy is the only one who seems to think Miguel smoked weed. Everyone else said he didn’t. Tracy says someone told her Miguel was a dealer. Laura asks who, and Tracy gets all upset and accusatory. She asks if they searched Miguel’s stuff. Laura calls Tracy Nancy Drew and says that yes, they did find the pot and the money.

But Laura goes on to say that Miguel was carrying the same amount of money Phillip told her Tracy spent on pot the previous week. Phil is an anal-retentive dealer who logs all his sales and has her cell number in his logged calls.

V: The stupidity of these smart kids is overwhelming. I’m blown away.

LT: Laura says the original plan with the dick pics was cooked up by her and Spencer to get Miguel out of the way, so Spencer could get more playing time and get scouted. Then he’d go to Princeton with her and live happily ever after. When Miguel was cleared, she slipped the money and drugs into Miguel’s bag and ran him over.

V: All of a sudden, she’s this sweet girl begging for forgiveness and saying she only meant to hurt Miguel, but she was hopped up on ADHD meds to get her through finals.

And that, ladies and gentlemen, will get her cleared of all of the charges, plus the schools rep for pressuring their students to remain competitive, plus Tracy being a pretty, rich blonde girl, means she’ll get a slap on the wrist at best.

Back at the station, Billy tries to console Miguel’s dad that he wasn’t a bad father, even though for a year he had no idea if his kid was even going to school. His kid is gone. I’ll let him have his consolation. Miguel even wrote an essay that he got an “A” on about how his dad is his hero.

LT: Meanwhile, Max is totally out of control, gossiping his fool head off. He’s completely obsessed with Laura and Jake. Laura walks in, and everyone scatters, so she knows something’s up. She confronts Jake, who admits he ran into Billy outside her house the other morning. Somehow, Laura resists the urge to smack him silly. Instead, she marches to the center of the room, and yells, “Nothing happened!”

35 nothing happened

V: Yeah, they all look like they believe her. That was not the best way to handle the rumor. Of course, it would have been better if Jake had gone out there and admitted he lied. But why would he do that, when the man has not an ounce of integrity?

LT: As the episode closes, Laura’s dad is getting his reward for being a totally irritating busybody with the requested family dinner. He talks about how nice it is. Has he not heard a word Laura said to him? He’s so incredibly clueless.

36 nagging dad

V: Did you notice this is a theme with the men in Laura’s life? They don’t listen to her and just do what they want. That’s why her dad likes Jake so much. They both don’t respect her wishes.

LT: Jake gets out brownies from this “new bakery” and offers Laura one. He ordered fat free.

37 brownie offer

Laura almost looks a bit wistful. Yuck.

38 wistful

V: Ugh. He uttered the “Some people will do whatever it takes to stay together” line Laura said earlier, even though she meant it in a derogatory way.

LT: But I’m happy with how Laura handled Jake this week. It looked from the previews like he was finally going to get his wish and get Laura back after all his annoying c**kblocking, which I really wasn’t looking forward to watching. He shouldn’t be rewarded after all his lousy behavior.

But once again, Laura pleasantly surprised me with how she handled the situation. The woman is no pushover, and she knows what she wants. Now if they would only work on making her a more attentive mother, she’d be one of the most well-drawn characters on TV. Really. With its inconsistencies, this show doesn’t always fulfill its potential, but when it does, it’s surprisingly good.

V: I hope that wistful look meant nothing. PLEASE.

So, who will Laura choose? Detective Alejandro or Food Truck Tony? I’m not giving the option of Jake, because he’s a non-entity. And YAY, Laura. Keep it up! You’re doing so well.

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