Reconvo: The Mysteries of Laura S1 Ep.15 The Mystery of the Alluring Au Pair

by

L.T. Milroy and Veruca Salt

Group hug!

Our detectives unite around a common cause this week, which is their animosity for an outsider. Aw, these people don’t just work together, they really care about each other. And that may be in danger, as the outsider seems to want to break up their happy, dysfunctional family. How will they deal with that? In a perfectly normal way, I’m sure.

As we open, some kids are doing some decidedly dangerous bike riding in the park. But apparently not as dangerous as what some babe had been doing recently, as the kids come across the body of a young woman.

V: Now, you don’t know what she was doing. She could have been simply communing with nature when some psycho decided to kill her.

LT: True, it is NYC!

Laura and Billy bring a clown in handcuffs into the station, and are greeted by applause.

V: That’s not a euphemism. Freaking scary-looking Joker-faced clown in full uniform, complete with a pink tulle collar.

 01 clown

LT: It’s only the first time Laura will get applauded in this episode, so she should get used to it. As she hands the clown off to a uniform, she says, “Take this bozo to holding.” That Laura, always doing the job with a snark and a smile.

But she won’t be smiling long. Jake tells her that someone named Frankie from CDIU (which stands for what, exactly? When I looked it up, couldn’t find anything that matched up with police business) will be coming by to interview everyone.

V: My research turned up something about import/export, licensing applications, and Cardiac Diagnostic and Investigation Unit.

LT: Same here. Nothing police-related.

V: So, let’s just pretend they say IAD.

And I liked her first guess better, when she was hoping it was someone with the last name Hemsworth. Hey, Thor, go ahead and bring that hammer down on Jake.

LT: Seems someone made a complaint about an “inappropriate relationship” between squad members. Laura wonders how the Chief of Police found out about her and Jake, but Jake thinks it was probably Billy, after he caught Jake leaving Laura’s house in the last episode. For her part, Laura doesn’t really trust Meredith, either. Must be that bitchy face.

V: I guess Laura is too cool to point out that if Jake had just set Billy straight right on the spot instead of making him think there was something going on, they wouldn’t be in this mess in the first place.

Oh, and if they’re from the chief’s office, then I’m assuming it’s Chief of Detectives Investigation Unit? Hmmm…maybe that’s the next mystery Laura can investigate.

LT: Jake tells everyone in the room that Frankie Pulaski will be coming by to interview them and says why, followed by Laura stating emphatically “Nothing happened!” I notice that Jake still doesn’t say anything to back her up on that. Tool.

V: Also, he does say Frankie is from the Chief of Detective’s Unit, so I’m going with that.

Laura keeps screaming “NOTHING HAPPENED” thus making everyone think she’s protesting too much. Maybe if she said it in a serious tone, they would believe her. Anyway, rather than take the squad into his office and brief them quietly, Jake chooses to announce the whole sordid affair, if you will, out in the open. Another one of Jake’s great ideas.

A woman walks in and says “Uh, he’s here.” Everyone turns around to see the perkiest of tiny little perky blondes in her cute little coat.

02 perky

She’s Francesca, but her fellow workers insist on calling her Frankie no matter how many times she tells them not to, because it’s obvious they have not a bit of respect for her.

LT: Then she says, “Wassup, second precinct?”

 03 wassup

V: I love how Billy picks up the phone to pretend to make a call all “HELL, no” and BF has on her best bitchy face. I think we know her views on cute, perky blondes.

 04 call

LT: Frankie is there to investigate the fraternization charges, even though Laura tells her there’s nothing to investigate. Frankie recognizes her as Det. Diamond and says the questioning will start with her.

V: Laura: “Okay, ready? Nothing happened.”

LT: But that will have to be put on hold, as Max informs Laura of the body in the park, and Jake puts her on the case.

V: BF is pissed Laura gets a clown AND a murder. Lucky, lucky Laura.

LT: Laura is with ME Renaldo, who is wearing a tux on the job.

05 dancing me

He says he teaches an Arthur Murray dance class and didn’t have time today to change before he has to go teach. Of course he does, and of course he didn’t. The dancing ME, makes perfect sense.

He says the body has a bullet in the head and a bite mark on the chest. There was a purse found near the body, which Laura gets all excited over.

06 best bag

V: It’s an infomercial purse that advertises a secret compartment at the bottom. I guess muggers don’t watch infomercials. And don’t just grab the entire purse. More importantly, we find out Laura owns an Egg Genie.

LT: Laura checks it and finds a passport inside belonging to Viviana Costa, who’s on a work visa from Brazil. There’s also a photo of a man.

Laura and Det. Bitchface go to the Brazilian consulate.

07 consulate

V: BF made it sound like she really thought Laura was serious when she said they were going to Brazil. Yes. I’m sure she immediately went home and packed.

They watch the couple before them lose their booked flight, because they didn’t fill out the proper forms. BF is worried they’re going to get caught up in bureaucratic red tape.

LT: When they go up to the desk, BF identifies herself and shows the guy the photo and asks for information. The guy brushes her off and talks bureaucracy then attempts to give her mountains of paperwork to fill out.

Laura interrupts to tell the guy he looks just like David Hasselhoff.

09 hasselhoff

He doesn’t, but Laura saw the model of K.I.T.T. the car on the guy’s desk.

11 kitt

He takes the bait and talks about what a huge Knightrider fan he is. Laura lets him gush for a bit then asks if he could spare them the paperwork and look up Viviana’s address on the computer. He got his ass kissed sufficiently and does it.

V: You can buy Laura is into that stuff, so I can see where he’d believe her.

LT: Jake calls Billy into his office and asks Billy if he has any perceptions of him and Laura. Billy says he has a lot of them but nothing he’d care to share with the CDIU.

12 perception

Frankie then knocks and enters. She gives Jake a form to sign that gives her permission to speak with everyone. She mentions possible personnel changes, that someone might have to be transferred, but only if she finds something improper.

V: She says the downtown brass are real sticklers and tells a heartwarming story about a remote-controlled puppy-dog trashcan that woofed. Apparently not regulation.

13 woof

I’m surprised BF hasn’t eaten this woman alive by now.

As she leaves, Jake hides a lovely family pic with Laura and the adorable moppets that must have been taken during happier times. It was sitting on his desk. Jake, give it up. I might like you better.

10 pic

LT: Yeah, that was weird. Everyone knows Laura and Jake were married and have a couple of kids, that’s not what’s being investigated.

Laura and BF go to Viviana’s apartment, and it’s in a beautiful building, which seems unlikely for a twenty-year-old on a work visa.

14 nice apt

Food Truck Tony calls and asks about a date that night, but Laura tells him she has to work late. He says maybe he’ll stop by the station later.

 15 ftt

V: Okay, one, he was wearing a knit cap. Adorable. Two, he offered to make crème Brule. I don’t care about your work schedule. A hot dude wants to make you crème Brule, you make sure you’re there to eat it. And three, after he offers to come there, she says she wants to keep their relaysh on the DL.

Now, I have to ask why. The dude is smoking hot and wonderful. Why hide him away? Show off your good fortune! And if she’s hiding FTT for Jake’s sake, that just pisses me off.

LT: As she gets off the phone, a woman walks by, and they show her a picture of Viviana. She says it’s her nanny then gets scared and asks where her son is.

 16 scared

At the station, the mom tells Laura her ex-husband, Roger, must be involved. She kicked him out for being a bad influence on their autistic son, Tucker. Roger is a heroin addict, which is indeed not a good influence. She mentions how Tucker had started imitating daddy by pretending to give himself an injection. So Roger was shooting up in front of the kid? And I thought Jake was a tool.

Laura checks Roger’s address, but he hasn’t been there in weeks. The woman tells her to check with a loser friend of his, Beno. Sometimes Roger crashes at his photography studio.

V: Dang. I liked the mom. I thought the actress did a good job of displaying fear and panic without being a screaming mess. She knew it was important to convey the information, so they could start looking for her son.

LT: Frankie decides to begin her interviews with Max. He’s more than a bit nervous, and though he starts off by saying Jake is “super-supes” as a boss, he soon has a total meltdown.

17 meltdown

By the time the interview is over, Frankie knows all about how Max had been working there for free for many months and only officially joined the squad six weeks ago. And all about being traded for an espresso machine. She asks how Jake acts around his ex, and Max unconvincingly pretends he doesn’t know the ex is Laura. Suffice to say that if Max knew the launch codes, nuclear war would have broken out before the end of the day.

V: That was great. Yeah, Max has the Lloyd Dobler babble condition. You just wind him up, keep quiet, and watch him talk and talk until he’s out of words.

LT: Billy and BF go to Beno’s studio.

18 beno

Beno says Roger isn’t there, he’s in rehab in New Jersey. Billy hears a noise from the next room and checks it out. It’s a goat Beno is photographing.

19 goat

V: Heh. BF takes a picture of it. She even smiles.

22 take pic0

LT: But Billy is more interested in a backpack hanging on the door with the name Tucker on it.

V: We’ve got a couple of rocket scientists here.

LT: BF tells him about the murder, and Beno shows them photos of Roger’s that are of Viviana and Tucker. There’s also a pad with 117 written on it.

Tucker’s mom doesn’t know what 117 means, but Laura notices a train sticker on the bag, and mom goes on about how the kid is obsessed with trains and buses. Laura says that the 117 bus passes right by Beno’s place. As Billy and BF get on the bus to check things out, a man with a little kid tries to quietly get off, and Billy grabs him.

 20 leave quietly

BF questions Roger and says he might kill Viv to get back custody of his son. How would getting the nanny out of the way lead to him regaining custody, exactly?

V: DO NOT QUESTION TMOL LOGIC! It will drive you mad.

LT: Then she shows him the photos and says he was stalking them.

21 stalk

He says since he doesn’t have visitation rights, the only way he can see his son is when the nanny picks him up from school. He sometimes takes pictures. You know, just to be close to the kid. I guess it’s preferable to doing smack with him. Today, nobody picked Tucker up, so he did.

As the mom holds Tucker on her lap, Laura tells her that Roger’s alibi checks out. She shows mom the photo Viv had in her purse, and mom says that’s Viv’s brother. He’s autistic, like Tucker and says that’s one of the reasons she wanted Viv as a nanny, because she has experience with autism.

V: I also like this mom for another reason. She’s not some uptight rich-bitch horrible monster. She was just a worried mom. She didn’t call her ex names or threaten him in any way. Good choice.

LT: And she certainly had grounds to trash talk him, given that heroin habit and all.

Tucker then blurts out “Jim.” The mom doesn’t know a Jim, and Laura holds up Viv’s membership thingie attached to her key chain and realizes he means a gym.

 23 health club

V: He kept saying Viv “go gym,” so yeah, good detective work. That they didn’t check out the gym before the kid said something, though, leaves a lot to be desired. It was attached to her keys. The clunky way they keep making Laura get to the next clue…stoppit.

LT: BF goes to check it out. In Viv’s gym locker there’s a bag containing a sack full of cash and a large array of condoms.

22 condos

Looks like she was using her work visa for more than just looking after Tucker.

V: Go get you some, Viv.

LT: Billy is being interviewed by Frankie. She asks if he can be honest about Laura and Jake, and he says yes, while drumming his fingers on the table.

That makes her end the interview because she won’t get anywhere. She knows he drums his fingers when he’s trying to sweet-talk someone, so he’s obviously hiding something.

V: I’ll admit that I also like how they didn’t make Frankie totally annoying. She appears smart and personable. Sure, they did go a bit cliché with making her the bubbly blonde who’s actually perceptive and smart, but speaking as an outgoing blonde who’s had people think she was an airhead because of it, I’ll allow it.

LT: He’s all too happy to end the interview and gets up, but before leaving turns around and says “Nothing happened!” Seems everyone but Jake has said that by this point.

V: Yes. Everyone but him. Tool.

LT: In the lunchroom, Laura tells Jake that in addition to the cash and condoms, there was a cell phone in Viv’s bag. On it is a full calendar; looks like Viv had three dates every week. Or is that “dates?”

V: That second one, judging by the Costco-amount of wrappers she had in her gym bag.

LT: She often texted someone named Sophie, including this morning, with a request to meet in the park at 9:30, which is around the time she was killed. There’s one app on the phone, a game called Sugar Slice, which even resident game master Ms. BF, who just walked in, can’t figure out.

V:  BF: “Worst game ever. Keeps crashing on the first level. Super-buggy.”

Do they not have some kind of technical expert besides BF? Does it strike nobody as odd that the game crashes? Perhaps get someone who can do more than open up the game a bunch of times, which is all BF would have done to figure this out. Anyone could have done that.

LT: Laura and Billy drop in on Sophie, who’s watching three noisy kids. They tell her Viv was killed that morning.

 23 sophie

V: Okay, here’s the thing. We don’t see them come to the door or how Sophie let them in, but she’s all “Hurry this up” and is then informed Sophie died.

The woman is in the country on a work visa. Two cops are coming to visit her. It should be all “Yessir”, “No, ma’am,” etc., especially in light of what comes next.

LT: Sophie says she waited for Viv in the park, but she didn’t show. Laura asks if they met through the au pair agency or the escort service, and Sophie plays dumb. Billy says a prostitution charge would void a work visa, but that makes Sophie all crazy. She ain’t no ho, she just goes out on lots of dates with lots of guys! And if those dates end in sex, ain’t nothin’ wrong with that! This is America, doesn’t everyone go out on innocent dates that often end in getting naked, followed by an exchange of capital? She and Viv just like dating, that’s all.

V: Did I hear correctly, or did Laura say “not yet” to sleeping with a guy after he takes you on a nice date? No. NONONO. I refuse to believe she hasn’t had a piece of FTT. Uh uh. No way she could keep her hands offa that. I’m going to pretend she didn’t just admit to that.

LT: Laura asks how this escort service works, and Sophie gets out her phone.

Turns out Sugar Slice isn’t a game. When the proper code is entered, a variety of ladies of the evening pop up.

V: Now, who would have figured that out? Someone whose technical knowledge goes beyond gamer. Just sayin’. Heck, even I knew the app was a cover, and these are NY’s finest. Sigh.

Also to note: putting tape around a child’s foot will stop them from crying and keep them busy for minutes on end. I also noticed the nanny took not one step toward the crying child. She’s good at her job.

LT: At the station, Laura scrolls through the ladies as Jake looks on.

24 scroll

She says the service is the brainchild of Charlotte Bernice, graduate of the London School of Economics (way to put that diploma to use, babe!). She charges $15,000 for every ten “dates”. At the end of every month, the app provides an address to a private party with a code to get in. Laura says Sophie mentioned that at the last party she saw Viv and Charlotte fighting. Laura says Charlotte is smart, so they need to catch her red-handed. But Laura has a plan.

That plan involves Billy going to the party undercover. He’s all decked out in a three-piece suit, and does indeed look fly as BF says. The guy cleans up very nicely.

 24 fly

V: Second week in a row Billy has had to look like a rich dude. Though I prefer this suit. Looking gooood Billy.

LT: Laura tells him there will be cops standing by and when Charlotte seals the deal, they’ll swoop in. They’ll be monitoring the action on Billy’s glasses. What is that, Google Glass? I’m not really up on that stuff.

V: This is proof there are techie people somewhere on the staff who provided said glasses. They would have gotten to that app problem a lot sooner. Sorry. I’ll stop now.

LT: Max comes in with a printout of the au pairs’ names, and BF says they’ll all be at the party. Laura says they should have someone there to talk to the ladies while Billy is busy with Charlotte. BF says the place will be like the United Nations of models, with women there from twelve different countries. That leads Max to pipe up in several different languages.

V: Including slang. He threw in “HOLLA!”

LT: When Laura asks how many he knows, he says he’s proficient in six. There’s no product placement this week, but I’m sure we all remember from last episode why Max is now multi-lingual. He’s tapped by Laura to be back-up at the party, which of course gets him excited.

V: Poor Max. Chained to his desk, and his main job is exposition dude.

LT: Frankie walks in and overhears, then wonders why an investigative assistant is getting field work. Max asks that she not speak of the investigative assistant as if he wasn’t in the room, and she says tell him I’m sorry. She should have just apologized, but to say “tell him I’m sorry” when he’s standing in front of her? Beeotch.

V: Here was the only time I was unsure about the character. Because at first she jokes and says, “Of course. Tell him I’m sorry.” This is fine. But it’s hard to tell whether she’s being passive-aggressively jerky when she talks about how she’s never seen an investigative assistant assigned actual field work. BF puts Frankie in her place when she explains about all of the uniformed officers who will be there.

She doesn’t push the issue and answers in Swedish then jokes she should come along to work the ladies.

It’s funny, because in this scene, everyone has a bitchface going on. Even Billy. Who looks even hotter in the glasses. Ahem. Sorry. Got off-track there for a sec.

25 glasses

LT: Then she says she wants to speak with Laura, who says she’ll be there in a jiffy. She wants to pull Laura away from a case in progress for this crap? Unprofessional, if you ask me. Frankie leaves the room, and Max tells Laura to be careful with her, because she’s smarter than she looks. She seems like kind of a bubblehead to me, but maybe I’m just biased because she’s proven herself to be such a beeyotch.

V: At least Laura said a “long” jiffy. I guess Frankie missed the part where a whole operation is about to go down.

But I agree with Max. Frankie is deceptively bubbly with a smart streak below.

LT: Billy and Max arrive at the party as Laura and BF watch through their glasses back at the precinct.

V: Poor Max. Just like with BF, he tries to bond with Billy and wants a secret handshake or whistle. Indeed, he demonstrates the whistle, which sounds more like a birdcall. Only Billy has peeled off.

26 peeled off

He’s too busy watching two women kiss. Sigh. Predictability, thy name is Billy. BF tells him to move it along.

27 pervy billy

 

LT: Of course, a bunch of women immediately gravitate toward Max. He starts talking to them in Italian and asks about Viv and Charlotte. They get rather handsy. Max keeps trying to keep them away, and Laura sends Billy to rescue him.

 28 handy

V: We get a Max-eye view of them attempting to reach for his junk. Wowza. Billy does rescue him, but as we saw, Max confirms they’re handsy not talky.

LT: Frankie walks in, just in time to see Max kiss one of the women and say “There’s more where that came from.” Hee! Laura says he’s “infiltrating.” It doesn’t look like Max will need any more rescuing, he’s fitting in just fine.

V: I love when they don’t just make him the butt of jokes. When he’s in the field, they take him to places where he really fits in, so he’s able to come off a lot more suave. Intelligent, competent Max is pretty awesome.

LT: A whole lot better than catty, stereotypical Max.

Frankie reminds Laura about their talk. Again, as Laura is actively working on a case? WTF, Frank? At that moment, who walks in but Food Truck Tony, making good on his offer of dropping by.

V: I know she said she wanted to keep their relaysh on the DL, so I’m surprised to see him. Was she joking? I just can’t see her going against her wishes like that.

LT: Laura greets him way too enthusiastically

V: “HI-EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!” Yeah. I’d say that’s enthusiastic. There was squealing involved.

On that down-low thing, never mind. He said, “I got your message, but I thought you didn’t want me to stop by…” And she cuts him off with, “Why wouldn’t I want my BOYFRIEND stop by?” When he makes noises like she’s never called him that before, she kind of shmooshes his face to make him shut up.

30 shmoosh

Dude takes a lot from her

LT: She tells him Frankie is here to see if anything is going on between her and Jake, as Jake walks in. He and FTT frostily exchange hellos. Laura says her BF FTT sometimes stops by and everyone is cool with it, which Jake confirms.

V: Geez, Laura, way to be SUBTLE about it all. Huge, exaggerated faces and not talking at all in a conversational tone.

29 hieeee

And Jake’s sarcastic “Yeah, totally. Cool. With this guy and my ex wife.” Ugh. Say his name, jerk.

 31 this guy

LT: It looks like Frankie has had enough of this insanity for one day and says goodnight. She tells Laura they’ll talk the next day.

V: At least you could tell Frankie knew a show was being put on for her. She’d have to be deaf, dumb, and blind not to.

LT: Jake also takes his leave but gives FTT a slight shove on the way out. Stay classy, Jake.

V: Slight shove? Shmucko basically rammed him into the wall.

LT: After they’re gone, FTT tells Laura she just totally used him, and he kind of likes it.

V: Second week in a row he was used. I hope he likes it. This is the dude every woman dreams about. For real.

LT: He also likes being called boyfriend and says he’ll call Laura his girlfriend from now on.

V: Hallelujah. Now maybe they can consummate their relationship. I love these two together.

LT: Det. BF says she sees Charlotte, and FTT takes that as his cue to let Laura get back to work. He makes sure to call her girlfriend as he leaves. Jeez, even I might switch teams for this guy. He’s a real prince and can cook like a bastid, to boot. Rowr.

V: Seriously. I’m about to hunt him down myself.

LT: Charlotte makes a beeline for Billy, introduces herself , and asks if he’s having fun.

 32 fun

V: I’d know that voice anywhere! It’s Paulina Porizkova! I love her!

LT: Billy asks for details of her service. She says fifteen grand a month will get him access to all the hoes he wants.

V: “The complete girlfriend experience.” Oy. And this woman is supposed to be smart? Some new guy shows up, and she’s not at all suspicious? Just hits him with the fifteen-grand schtick? They didn’t need to entrap her at all. She probably advertises on bus benches.

LT: He asks about Viviana, and Charlotte says she’s not there. Then Billy badges her, tells her Viv has been murdered, and she better start talking. She says the argument they had was because she was concerned about Viv who had a bandage on her chest (we know it’s a bite mark from the ME). She figured a client got rough with her, but Viv wouldn’t talk. Billy says he’ll need a list of all of Viv’s clients. Charlotte says she doesn’t have a list, but all the guys are in the room.

V: ALL of them? And she knows this how? Did they sign in? Because if the call girl-seeking guys let their real names be on some kind of list, the killer should be easy to catch.

LT: Billy drags Max away from all his female admirers, and tells him they’re looking for a guy who plays rough. Max is the one to talk to about this stuff, as he’s been successful in getting info out of all his new ho BFFs. He runs down the sexual proclivities of all the guys in the room, mentioning that a guy in a flamboyant scarf is a biter.

33 biter

After Laura tells him about the bite mark, Billy goes over to scarf guy and identifies himself. Sir Scarf runs, but a cop grabs him.

V: I was hoping it was scarf guy. He looked the douchiest. And again, Max just being amazing. I love when they introduce a skill then don’t forget about it.

And why do these guys always run from Billy? Maybe he should walk in showing all of his fitness awards.

LT: Jake questions scarf guy, whose name is Doug. He says he fell for Viv and wanted to marry her. He even gave her his grandmother’s ring. He says that was before he found out she was a skank. He knew she was a pro but not a skank. Talk about semantics.

He explains he looked her up a few nights ago on a site called Erotic Hubdown, where johns go to rate hookers. There he found a bunch of bad reviews. He took back his ring the last time he saw her, which was 8:30 the previous morning, after which he says he went to the doctor to be tested for STDs. Wow, what a catch this guy is. Hard to believe he and FTT are even of the same species

V: Diametrically opposed. I think Doug is a mutant, and Viv would have had a horrifyingly bad marriage. Doug’s female attorney looked thrilled. I don’t know why he had her there in the first place. He ran his mouth off, and when she tried to put a hand on his shoulder to caution him, he just kept getting more douchey.

 34 hand

And who knew, as Jake said, that there was a Yelp for hookahs?

I’m more than pleased they’re sending Mr. STD to a holding cell.

LT: Max punches up Erotic Hubdown and looks it over with BF. They find Viv, and she has twenty-three reviews, all negative. Strange thing is, they’re all pretty much alike, starting with “I hired her, and…”, followed by a variety of nasty things, like she robbed me, she gave me crabs, she wouldn’t give me my change, etc.

BF pulls the meta data on the reviews and finds the IP addresses are all the same, from a Crystal Cox. My immediate thought was, that’s a sucky porn name, and Max agreed with me. He likes his porn name better, Frisky Longwood.

V: I think it’s like your pet’s name and the first street you lived on…Frisky sounds like a cat’s name, no?

LT: Sure does. How convenient that Max had such a porn name-appropriate pet growing up! Then Frankie shows up and wants to interview BF. Again, she’s interrupting actual casework for this stuff. But why not, the body isn’t going to get any deader, might as well put off solving her murder a little while longer. She won’t care. BF asks Max to get Ms. Cox’s address, and Max warns her to be careful with Frankie, she’s looking to transfer someone.

V: BF wonders why she’d be doing that during a hiring freeze and how they’re understaffed. I’m sure that’s not important information.

LT: Frankie asks BF that as two women of the same rank, do she and Laura get the same kind of assignments? BF says absolutely. Not satisfied with that, Frankie shows her frisky (longwood) side again and lies to get BF to say that Laura gets all the best cases.

V: This woman is a detective? BF says they get equal cases, Frankie says Laura said BF gets the best cases, and BF immediately says Laura gets the best cases. She doesn’t realize right away she’s been duped, even though she shouldn’t have been duped in the first place. Then Frankie has to TELL HER she lied, and I just can’t believe that whole bit. It rang false. I don’t care how much competition is going on, BF should be on her guard. It goes against everything we know about the character and is the opposite of the great job they did with Max.

LT: BF catches herself and tries to clam up, but Frankie says she senses she’s holding something back. BF then lets loose and says Laura doesn’t have to play by the rules, she’s allowed to go on gut instinct, and furthermore, she always gets paired with Billy, which BF thinks is unfair. That doesn’t seem to be true from what we’ve seen. Billy hits the streets with BF on a pretty regular basis, so some of this appears to be BF BSing to jerk Frankie around.

V: It’s not true. At all. It’s pretty equal. And BF spent the entirety of last episode with Billy. She went to Atlantic City with him, posed as his wife, and hung all over him. It’s like the person who wrote this part has never seen the show.

LT: I really couldn’t tell if BF was putting on an act here. At times it seemed she was, and at others she looked totally sincere. Weird scene.

Frankie asks why Laura gets preferential treatment, and BF looks around furtively and says it stays between the two of them before answering: it’s because Laura is the best detective in the precinct. She gets the best cases because she’s the best, but BF says if Frankie repeats that to anyone, BF will hunt.her.down.

39 hunt

V: THAT at least sounded like BF

LT: Laura and Jake question Crystal and find out Crystal Cox is her real name. She proves it by flashing her driver’s license.

38 crystal

 

When your last name is Cox, I guess anything would sound like a porn name. If she was a guy and her name was Peter Cox Johnson, I bet she’d get a lot of work, because that’s a great porn name!

Crystal seems pretty normal and says she’s a podiatrist but turns out, she was involved with the skeevy Doug, so that kind of makes her suspect. Laura shows her a picture of Viv, and Crystal says she’s the prostitute who stole her fiancé, Doug the bad-scarf-wearing manskank.

Laura says Viv is dead, but Crystal says she just saw her the day before. She was following Doug, who met Viv at the diner. She filmed the meeting to prove to Doug that Viviana didn’t love him. She says right after Doug left, Viv got in a car with another john. She shows them the video on her phone.

40 trans am

Jake says it’s too bad they didn’t get the license plate, but Laura says there’s no need. She knows who the killer is,

V: Hmmm…Black Trans-Am…Haven’t got a clue!

And how would showing Viv going with a john prove she didn’t love him, when he already knew she was a call girl? Crystal knew that he knew, or she wouldn’t have bothered with the reviews. The only reason Dougie McScarfie dropped her was because Crystal wrote those reviews that she was a BAD prostitute.

LT: Frankie finally gets to interview Laura, who is professional enough to refuse to stop trying to solve a murder for this crap. Frankie will have to conduct her interview in Laura’s car, while Laura drives like a maniac to nab the perp.

41 crazy driving

 

There’s no need to drive that crazy, but Laura appears to enjoy making Frankie hang on for dear life as she careens around Manhattan.

40 wig out

Frankie also admits this is her first field case in NY, although she worked robbery/homicide in Wisconsin, from which she recently relocated.

She asks about Laura’s divorce, and Laura tells her about how Jake wouldn’t sign the papers, and she took forever to turn them in. Normal dysfunctional stuff.

V: Well, I suppose Jake’s douchey behavior is normal for him. Though I do wonder why Frankie is using pen and paper, particularly on Mr. Toad’s Wild Ride. Your phone can be a recorder. And quotes are more accurate. But she does write down that normal-dysfunctional-stuff line, so that’s good.

LT: Then Laura asks about Frankie’s husband, even though she hasn’t mentioned one. Laura figured it out, because Frankie had said earlier that her father was Swedish and Pulaski is Polish, so it must be her married name. Frankie is impressed by Laura’s deductive skills. Wasn’t she listening when BF said Laura was the best? Maybe she’s already forgotten about it after BF threatened bodily harm.

V: Seems Frankie isn’t married any more, and from the look on her face, it seems she and Laura might have something in common with jerkface exes. Only she doesn’t have to work with him every day and have him try to manipulate her to win her back.

LT: Laura pulls over and parks. Frankie asks where the bad guy is, and Laura says she’s going to get him to come to them. She grabs a baseball bat and proceeds to bash the hell out of the Trans Am.

 42 bash

V: OH, NO! She’s hurting K.I.T.T.!

LT: The alarm goes off, and who rushes out of the nearest building but Knightrider guy. He asks what she’s doing, and she says that now that he’s out on the street, outside the Brazilian consulate, she can legally arrest him. He goes for his gun, but Frankie whips out hers and tells him to drop it.

 43 don't even think

V: Much BETTER! She goes all Dirty Harry and says, “Don’t even think about it.” Well, if they were going for a cliché, that’ll work.

LT: He drops the gun, and Laura cuffs him. She tells Frankie it wasn’t bad work for her first NY field trip. Then she can see Frankie kind of eyeing the car, and Laura hands her the bat and says, “Do it” because it’ll be good for her.

V: I think Laura sees the same thing I do about the ex-husband..

LT: Frankie hesitates just a second before taking the bat and finishing off what’s left of the car windows. Aw, a bonding moment!

 44 bash 2

V: It was nice. That perky personality is hiding a little bit of rage. Huh

LT: At the station, Laura tells consulate guy the ballistics match his gun.

V: Wow. A ballistics test in the time it took them to get the dude to the station. That’s some crime lab.

LT: He says Viv was bribing him. She offered him $20,000 for a permanent visa for her brother. She wanted him to stay in NY, because it was better for him in the states than back home. Consulate guy then figured that since she was making a very nice living, what with the nannying and hooking and all, she could afford $50,000.

She freaked over the price increase and threatened to turn him in for taking bribes. He panicked, because that was a ten-year sentence in Brazil. But Laura tells him he doesn’t have to worry about that, since he’s going to prison for life in the U.S. Before leaving, she adds that he looks nothing like David Hasselhoff.

V: BURN!

LT: When Laura walks back in the squad room, she gets cheers for the second time this ep. She’s feelin’ the luv.

45 cheers

Eat that, Frankie! Jake asks if the bat was really necessary, and Laura says she was able to make the arrest without getting the State Department involved, so he should be happy. Frankie comes in, tells everyone she’s finished her reports, and asks to speak to Jake.

In Jake’s office, Frankie plays good cop/bad cop all by herself. She starts out by saying that Laura and Jake’s relationship is far from resolved, and it complicates things in the workplace. Also, there appears to be some sexual tension between Billy and BF.

V: It’s funny when she says for Jake not to say anything, because they’re not aware of it yet. But it also helps make more sense that BF only has the perception that Laura goes out more with Billy, because she wants to always be the one who does. Jake wants to know how Frankie knows, and I scream, “BECAUSE SHE PAYS ATTENTION TO PEOPLE OTHER THAN HERSELF!”

LT: Then there’s the whole dicey Max situation.

But after getting all that out of the way, she says what great work the squad does. They’ve managed to excel, even understaffed, but she mentions that rules are rules, and she wants to tell him her proposed personnel change. Jake tries to head her off and says if anyone should be transferred, it should be him, but she says that’s not what she has in mind.

V: Well, the one good thing Jake did was throw himself on the sword. If bad things are happening with the team, the team leader should take the heat. I have to say, it is one of the few good Jake moments. Too bad she didn’t take him up on it.

LT: That kind of shocked me, actually. How often does Jake step up? He’s in charge, he really ought to do it on a regular basis instead of saving it for special occasions.

That night, Jake has the staff gather at a bar to let off some steam after the stress of Frankie and her report.

 

V: Billy calls her L-bizzle. Interesting. She orders alcohol in order to better handle Jake. There isn’t enough in the bar, my chica.

 

LT: Jake says things can’t go on as they have been. They’ve been understaffed due to a hiring freeze, and the only way to get around that is if CDIU recommends someone be transferred in. And guess who that would be? Surprise! Not. Jake introduces the newest detective at the second precinct, Frankie Pulaski. That should get her some of that applause Laura has enjoyed so much of lately, but everyone just sits in shocked silence for a few moments, until Billy finally starts to clap.

42 slow clap

V: No, they did NOT just do the slow-clap. But okay. Especially when I freeze the picture on Max’s face. It’s funny, because these two should really be besties. Their personalities are quite similar, in that they have a tendency to babble and be goofy and have people look at them like they’re from outer space. Also, that all of those traits cover up someone who is competent at their job

LT: Frankie goes to the bar, and Laura welcomes her aboard. Now that it’s over, Laura is wondering how all this report stuff got started in the first place, and Frankie tells her. It goes back to right after Jake took over as captain. The complaint was registered just two days after he was put in charge, and that’s when Laura realizes the complaint came from her.

Seems they’re short-staffed at CDIU as well, and they’re finally getting around to addressing a five-month old complaint, one in which Laura apparently referred to Jake as Captain Man-child.

V: True that.

LT: Frankie says Laura’s secret is safe, and Laura answers that so is Frankie’s. She asks if what happened with her husband was the reason Frankie moved to NY. Laura did some digging and found out that the husband was a cop, too, who was killed on the job. Frankie was tired of being pitied as the cop with the dead husband and came to NY to start over. Laura tells her at the second precinct, starting over is their specialty.

V: Wow. Okay, color me surprised. I guess the douchebag lives while Frankie’s husband, a wonderful guy, had to die.

LT: Max gives Frankie a lukewarm congratulations and tells her someone wants to speak with her.

47 lukewarm reception

V: Did you catch where Max came over earlier, caught them in the midst of their deep discussion, and walked away?

LT: Max may have his faults, but he’s a perceptive guy. He knows when to make himself scarce.

As she leaves, Max gives her a look, and it’s plain he still doesn’t trust her. He’ll come around; or not, depending on what direction her character takes.

V: I’m telling you, they will be besties in no time. Max is worried about his job. He said, “And then there was one person in the precinct too many. Am I right or am I right?” So, that’s where he’s coming from.

They’re playing the sympathy card with Frankie. They managed to show that she’s smart, endearing, and has a whole interesting backstory, to boot. They did a good job with introducing the character. A lot of showing instead of everyone standing around and talking about how awesome and perfect she is. I like that she still has to win some people over. It works.

LT: Jake joins Laura at the bar and tells her they’re safe until the next time “nothing happens.” Jake can sure be thickheaded when he sets his mind to it. Laura answers that there won’t be a next time. Will Jake ever accept that? I guess we’ll know when he stops shoving FTT around.

V: OMG! MAKE IT STOP!

LT: They watch Frankie play darts with Billy, who’s cheering her on like the good sport he is. Laura says she kind of likes her.

V: They’re doing the “It’s your Birthday” chant, and Frankie is doing her twerky best. I like her.

 48 twerk

LT: So the show will have a new, familiar face. And speaking of familiar faces, there’s a Will & Grace reunion on tap in the next episode, as Eric McCormack guest stars. How great was it seeing the two of them in the previews? He and Debra Messing were so awesome together. they had such chemistry. Can’t wait to see them team up again. I’ll stop gushing like a fangirl now.

So ends another mystery! What do you guys think of the new kid? Will she and Max become friends? Will BF and Billy finally admit they want to jump each other? Will Jake ever leave Laura alone? Maybe after she marries Tony? I will send that out into the universe and hope to make it so.

 

 

 

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